From Promiscuity to Purpose: A Journey of Redepmption
ITS ALL ABOUT GOD
Luke 8:39; “Jesus sent him away, saying, “Return home and tell how much God has done for you.”
My testimony isn’t about me; it’s about God. It’s all about His amazing, saving grace in my life. By sharing my testimony, my aim is to glorify God and help you to understand the depths of where He has bought me from so that you can see that He can do the same for you. By sharing my story, I hope to show you that there is power in the blood of Jesus Christ to wash you clean and make you new.
Growing up I was definitely a wild child. I started smoking at 11, smoking weed & drinking at 14 and I lost my virginity at 15. In the past, I liked to call myself a Christian because I kind of believed in God, but I had never actually given my life to Jesus Christ. I lived in the world and for the world. I actively and openly lived in sin. I had this idea that it was ok to be a Christian and still live however I wanted to. In my mind, Christians who did not sin and actually read the Bible were just super ‘religious’. I thought that I was just a 21st century Christian who did things a little bit differently. I figured that as long as I believed in God and prayed ocassionaly, that was all that mattered. I realise now, that was all a lie…
James 2:17-20; “Thus, also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead… You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?”
1 John 3:4-6; “Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. And you know that He was manifested to take away our sins, and in Him there is no sin. Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him.”
THE BEGINNING OF PROMISCUITY
Throughout my adolescent years, I struggled with lust, promiscuity, heavy drinking and heavy smoking. This all stemmed from things that I had experienced at a young age.
When I was around 5 years old, I was exposed to pornography. I cannot remember exactly how, why or who by, but I just remember seeing it on the TV and being curious about it. At that very moment, the enemy planted the seed of lust and promiscuity in my heart that would surface as I got older. 5 years old and curious about sex, it was a recipe for disaster. As I got older, I found ways to watch it myself on TV. And then, as technology advanced, I found ways to watch it online. So, what started off as a curiosity became more of an obsession that lasted for many years.
Unfortunately, this experience with pornography really shaped my views on sex and formed some very unhealthy views of it. Like many other young people, pornography was where I learned about sex. I learned the false ‘reality’ that sex was ONLY about pleasure and enjoyment. This created deep rooted ideology that I could have as much sex as I wanted with whoever I wanted to. So, saving myself for marriage as God intended never even crossed my mind.
I DIDNT WANT TO BE ME
But the exposure to pornography was not the only thing that caused me to be lustful and promiscuous. Throughout childhood and adolescence, I also struggled with deep insecurities and a lack of self-confidence. From a very young age, I never felt pretty or wanted – I hated the way that I looked. At as young as 9 years old, I used to pray to God and ask Him to change the way I looked. I prayed and begged that one day I would wake up looking like a girl from a TV show I used to watch. I honestly thought that God would answer my prayers and change the way that I looked but as you can imagine, every morning I woke up the same and I hated it. I just didn’t want to be me!
As I got older, especially around the age of 16/17, I started to experiment with make-up, hairstyles and I started to wear revealing clothes. I realised that the more I did this, the more attention I would get from males which resulted in a boost of confidence in me – I felt great! I felt pretty and sexy. Finally, I felt like I was wanted and a deep desire was fulfilled; the desire for attention. I was actually happy to be me – or so I thought. The reality was, all of this was simply a way to cover up deep rooted insecurities that only Jesus could fix. Anyway, i’ll save that for another blog post… As you can imagine, this type of thinking was another recipe for disaster. The majority of worldly males are only interested in one thing and they only give you attention for one reason. So, in order to keep them interested and keep the attention coming I did what I thought I had to do.
I JUST WANTED TO BE ‘FUN’
I definitely think that insecurities and confidence also played a huge role in my heavy drinking, smoking and getting high. Throughout childhood and adolescence, I was always really shy and quiet. As a result, I always seemed to be the one that was left out. People would assume that I drank and smoked for a bit of fun but in reality I did it because it made me feel like I could be someone else. It made me feel like I could be someone who could be included in everything. I became someone who could be ‘fun’ and loud just like everyone else. When I drank, it gave me the confidence to talk to anyone that I wanted to without feeling insecure! In all honesty, I never even enjoyed smoking weed but seeing as everyone else was doing it and it was the ‘cool’ thing to do, I felt like I had to do it too just to fit in. Another recipe for disaster!
THE JOURNEY TO REDEMPTION
So, now let’s fast-forward to 2015. The journey of seeking God and becoming a born-again Christian began. I would love to say that I started seeking God because I felt like I needed Him at that point in my life but that would be a lie. I actually started seeking God for very selfish and unauthentic reasons. But thank God He still used that to direct me to Him…
(I didn’t want to make this blog post too long so stay tuned for part 2. Subscribe below to be notified when the next blog post is up!)