Learning to Say “Not My Will, But Yours Be Done”

As purpose-driven Christian women who want our lives to truly honour God, our deepest desire should be to see His will manifest in our lives. To see His divine intention, desire, and plan unfold on earth as it is in heaven, even when it looks completely different from what we imagined.

We often pray, "Lord, not my will but Yours be done," but do we truly mean it? Are we willing to surrender our expectations and desires so that His perfect will can take place? And how do we respond when what we planned falls through, not because God failed us, but because He had something different in mind?

When I first became a born again Christian in 2016, I thought I wanted to see God's will manifest in my life. But deep down, I had my own plans and desires, and hoped He would bless them. One of the clearest examples of this was the birth of my first child, a moment that exposed the condition of my heart in a way I never expected.

Today, I want to share that story with you, because it taught me one of the greatest lessons about purpose, surrender, and walking in God's will instead of expecting Him to walk in mine.

 

During my first pregnancy in 2017, I had crafted what I believed was the perfect labour plan. I pictured the atmosphere: gospel music filling the room, dim lighting, a calm water birth, and a sense of God's presence & peace surrounding me as I brought my baby into the world. I prayed over that plan. I spoke it in faith. I believed God would honour it, because in my mind this desire honoured Him and aligned perfectly with His will. But when the time came, everything unraveled. 

Instead of my peaceful worship-filled birth, I experienced the exact opposite. Induction of labour, 12 hours of constant contractions, failure to progress past 2cm, and a failed spinal FIVE times, all resulting in an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic. The labour I had planned for, prayed for, envisioned, and trusted God to deliver… never happened.

You would think I would be content with the fact that at least baby and I were healthy. But honestly, I was devastated. I remember crying out in confusion asking God why everything had gone so wrong. I remember telling my spiritual mother that I did not know how I would ever recover from not only the trauma of the labour experience but the disappointment too. And the craziest part is that I refused to speak to God for six months. I still believed in Him, but I was deeply hurt, so I stopped praying, reading my Bible and doing anything that would bring me close to Him. I was like a child throwing a tantrum.

I realise now that the disappointment went deeper than the birth itself - it exposed what was truly in my heart. It wasn’t just that I desired a certain labour experience; the experience had become an idol. I wasn’t simply hoping God would bless it - I was expecting Him to fulfil it exactly my way. And the hardest truth to admit is this: I wasn’t praying “Lord, let Your will be done” the way I thought I was. My heart was really saying, “Lord, here is my will. Do it.”

When I became pregnant with my second child, my heart posture had shifted, but only slightly. I no longer idolised the worship-filled labour, but I still deeply desired what I felt would be a supernatural, spirit filled birth: a spontaneous VBAC. My previous induction had left me traumatised, so I wanted to avoid another one. I desperately wanted to go into labour spontaneously at home. So much so, I gently refused an induction at 40 weeks, hoping a few more days would give my body time to go into labour naturally. So when I reached 40+4 and I was still very pregnant, disappointment started to creep in and my heart posture was once again revealed.

In that moment, God lovingly challenged me. My spiritual mother reminded me, "Whether you give birth at home or in a hospital, spontaneously or through induction, God is there and His will is still being accomplished. His presence is not limited by your plan."

So I surrendered.

And although the birth did not unfold exactly as I envisioned, it was beautiful. I had an incredible labour. I achieved a VBAC, just not a spontaneous one. But this time, instead of disappointment, I felt gratitude. God blessed me with a healthy baby girl, and I could see His hand in every moment. He did not give me what I wanted, but He gave me what I needed.

By the time I was pregnant with my third child, my heart had truly changed. My hope for a spontaneous labour was still there, but it was no longer my focus. My desire was simply for a safe delivery and a healthy baby. My prayer was much simpler: "Not my will but Yours." There was no idol, no pressure, no expectation for God to perform according to my script. I finally understood that even if He did not give me what I wanted, He would always give me what I needed - that's His will.

So when it looked like I might be induced at 37 weeks because of reduced fetal growth, I prayed, "Not my will but Yours."

When induction was mentioned again at 38 weeks because of gestational diabetes, I prayed, "Not my will but Yours."

When pre-eclampsia became a concern at 39 weeks, my response stayed the same:
"Not my will but Yours.". My heart was so surrendered to God that even if I needed another c-section, despite how traumatic the first one had been, I would have been at peace.

But then, on the 4th of November, on my due date, God allowed me to experience the spontaneous VBAC I once longed for.

Firstly, sometimes it's God's will for us to walk through hard and unexpected situations. Not because He’s punishing us, but because they reveal things within us that comfort never could. Scripture says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart… reveal anything in me that offends You” (Psalm 139:23–24).

Often, it’s the disappointments, disruptions, and detours that uncover the places in our hearts that still need to be renewed and brought into alignment with His will. And through them, God transforms us into the women He has called us to be, from the inside out.

Secondly, there are moments in life when we may feel swallowed by disappointment, hurt, or even a sense of distance from God. But one thing I’ve learned is this: God does not leave His daughters abandoned in darkness.

Psalm 30:5 reminds us, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”. Whatever dark place you may find yourself in, whether disappointment, confusion, or unanswered prayers, it is not God's will to leave you there. His desire is to deliver, redeem, and restore.

Lastly, we often hear, “God will give you the desires of your heart,” but this doesn’t mean God simply hands us whatever we want. We often forget the first part of Psalm 37:4: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

In other words, when we find our delight, joy, and satisfaction in Him, and when our trust is rooted in His goodness not in our plans, He shapes our desires to match His will, and then He fulfils them.

I truly believe that the only reason God gave me the desire of my heart, a spontaneous VBAC with my third labour, was because of how much my heart posture had changed. My desire was no longer a certain type of birth. My desire was simply for God's will. My joy was in Him and my satisfaction was in knowing He would always give me what I needed, even if it looked nothing like what I once imagined.

And that is the place we must learn to reach as purpose-driven Christian women — a place where our hope is no longer in our plans, but in His, and where our deepest desire is simply to see His will accomplished in our lives. When we surrender our will and embrace His, we position ourselves to walk in the fullness of the purpose He uniquely designed for us.